Barbara Osterman
Leaders today face many challenges. The source of so many of these challenges is disconnection, from:
- the people around us
- the mission of our businesses
- the heritage of our companies
- the natural world
- our spiritual source
- and most importantly, disconnection from ourselves and our innate values.
Over time, we have succumbed to the notion of independence, fundamentally perceiving ourselves to be neither impacting nor impacted by others. Donne said "No man is an island", yet we operate as though we are, making decisions based on what is good for us, not on the total impact on others (including other people, the environment, other countries, etc.). We have become short-sighted and insular. From this flows the illusion that we are entitled to anything we can take.
Disconnected leaders are cut off from their source of values-based decisions, which serve the highest good of all, not just self. That source is their values, ethics and internal guidance system, all of which would support connection. So much in our culture encourages disconnection. As leaders, we've been expected to:
- Focus on results. At all costs. When the sole focus is on the unrelenting production of short term, ever-increasing results, the tendency is to hunker down, limit our peripheral vision, ignore our internal voice and the voices of questioners among us, all in the interest of "making it happen".
- Perform. Under all circumstances. To the exclusion of all else. While "life balance" is much discussed, in the face of this pressure to perform and of leaders who reinforce it with, "If you can't get it done, we'll find someone who can", we just cannot see the possibility for balance in our lives.
- Conform to the traditional definition of success. We tend to look externally for success - the money, office, perks, power and "stuff". When we don't find fulfillment (which comes from internal satisfaction), we assume we must not have enough "stuff" and chase more.
- Produce, produce, produce. In other words, do, do ,do. When we are busy (and busy-ness has become epidemic in busi-ness), there is no time to reflect, thoughtfully assess and generally connect, even to ourselves.
- Keep a 24/7 pace. Leaders are expected to devote more and more of their 24 hours per day to their work. Often, sleep (minimally) is the only other component they spend time on.
Under the weight of these expectations, disconnection occurs. Connection (with ourselves, others, nature, etc.) takes time, and on this treadmill, with accelerating pace and increasing incline, the perception is that time is a scarce and precious commodity - not enough is available to do it all. Choice is not seen as a possibility - everything occurs as a "must-do" with no choice available. Hence, disconnection. This creates the opening for leaders to behave in self-serving ways. Disconnection fosters wayward beliefs, (e.g., I am above all this. This law does not apply to me. I am entitled to this. Wealth is the only thing that matters.) and dysfunctional behavior.
The impact of the disconnected leader is becoming very apparent in the world today. It is news-making. We call it a crisis of ethics. How did they go so far astray - from their values, from the people around them, from themselves? Disconnection. Living increasingly in a world created with illusions. A world without the reality checks provided by connecting to diverse others and to their own innate values. And disconnection from the concept of stewardship. Stewardship asks us to serve our organizations and be accountable to them, to honor what has been given to us, to use the power with a sense of grace and to pursue purposes that transcend self-interest.
When leaders disconnect from the people they serve, the shift from stewardship to self-interest is easier. Nameless, faceless people are easier to ignore. Especially when leaders shelter themselves behind heavy wood doors, on elite floors dedicated to maintaining exclusivity and separateness.
John, a senior leader in a large organization, would say he is committed to the organization and its employees. He works hard and focuses on getting results. At any cost. Getting results is all that is important, and he is a master. It may require extraordinary effort, people working long hours, even fudging a few numbers. Lately, it's gotten even more intense. John has been behind closed doors, mapping his path. Downsizing. Finding accounting interpretations that support over reporting revenues. Taking liberties with pension plan assets to improve the financial results.
Trust is being broken in big ways, ethical lines are being crossed. John is surprised to hear, indirectly, that employees are upset. Can't they see he is frantically working to keep the boat afloat? They should be grateful.
John has lost touch with the people he leads, the issues facing them, his sense of responsibility to these people, and his own values. The organization John leads could be business, government, church, not-for-profit. Disconnection exists everywhere.
If disconnection is the source of business ills, how do leaders connect?
Connection
At our current pace (fast, hectic, round-the-clock availability), connection with ourselves and others seems difficult. In our current paradigm (perform at all times, produce results at all costs, chase success), connection seems impossible. While we yearn for it, we don't see the possibility of having it.
Apply the same thoughtfulness you give to your business- strategic plan to your plan for connection. Thinking and being, not doing and producing, is the mode to achieve.
Yes, it requires time, and yes, you do have the time. It will require shifting how you choose to spend your time. More importantly, sustainable change requires that we shift our mindset, so we can see that we even have a choice. For example, in the mindset of focusing on results, at any cost, we cannot fathom taking time to pause, think, reflect, be. So, first, the mindset must be shifted.
To many of us, reflective time is important, time spent in nature, time with family. Yet, when confronted with our business and societal cultures, we allow that to set our priorities, we cede our choice-making to that external force. So, instead of taking self-time for connecting in some way, we choose to schedule one more thing. This is especially the case when it is unconscious. As we focus on this, we become more conscious of where we are freely choosing and where we are being operated by the culture, moving unconsciously and automatically with the flow of the culture around us.
By becoming conscious, we increase:
- our knowledge of ourselves
- our sense of possibilities
- our options for our work and lives
- our connectedness.
With connectedness to our values, our selves, others, nature and our mission, we make better decisions and become role models for others. This is a huge contribution to the people we lead and to the world.
Barriers to Connection
The top three barriers to connection are mindset, mindset and mindset. It is the way we see the world that causes us to conclude that connection is not possible for us. And what are the primary barrier mindsets?
- No time. "I don't have time for these frivolous things, there's work to be done". Not a fact, a belief. Can you distinguish the difference?
- No choice. "I have a mortgage, tuition payments, etc". Or "The boss wouldn't allow it". Again, beliefs you hold, not facts.
How do you overcome them? By being intentional. Focus on what you want to create:
- Within yourself
- Within your company
- Within your family and community
- Within your world
All change, whether it is in your office or the world, begins with self. And with being intentional about what you are creating. When we are unintentional, carried along by the cultural flow, we are not conscious of what we are creating. Or even that we are creating. We believe we have no choice and we are carried along. When intentional, we are careful to create exactly what we want.
We all have 24 hours within our day. It is our choice how we use them. Yes, really.
Consider how you are choosing to use them today. Really look at your calendar and notice where you are spending your time. Adjust your time to align with your stated commitment.
Building Connection
When you're ready to build more connection in your life, you've already taken the first step, awareness. Now identify your priorities by:
- Spending time - with yourself. We are in the receive mode so often - with input from the media, other people, emails, voicemails, etc. Stop the input - find the silence and solitude. Listen to your own output, not from your logical mind, which is overused on our attempts to control situations, but from the whisper of your voice within.
- Spending time - with the people you value; your family, friends, colleagues. And in this time, be present, focus only on the moment. Let go of the running mental lists of what you should be doing, what's not happening. Concentrate on being, not doing. It is the quality of our relationships that determines the quality of our work, and the quality of our lives.
- Spending time - with your organization's mission, heritage and values. Keep them in focus.
Manage your time as carefully as you manage your money (it's a more precious resource).
John, a senior manager in a large organization, had been struggling. Exhausted, he finally concedes that his current way of working is not only painful, but is not producing the results required. In desperation, he shares his situation with a colleague, asking "What can I do?" The colleague suggests stopping, taking a time out, pausing to reflect on exactly what the situation is and what it requires. John, seeing no other options, does exactly that. He clears his calendar for two days to reflect, connect with others and assess. In so doing, he realizes that he is the source of his own distress. He checks out his beliefs and expectations and shifts them to be current with the current situation. He spends time with family, friends and colleagues and comes away refreshed and with new perspectives. He applies this to his work, and the situation improves.
Summary
Be intentional about how you spend your time and how you fill your mind. Start small. Be present. Remind yourself. Reward yourself. Keep your purpose in mind.
If you think this is all conceptually great but could never happen in your life, think again. Think again.